Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don't by Sinek Simon

Author:Sinek, Simon [Sinek, Simon]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2014-01-07T00:00:00+00:00

Rule 5. Be Patient—The Rule of Seven Days and Seven Years

I WENT ON a first date with a woman recently. It was an amazing first date. We spent nearly eight hours together. We went for brunch and strolled around the city. We went to a museum then went for dinner. We talked and talked the whole time. We were both smiling, giggling, we even started holding hands a few hours in. As a result of that amazing first date, we’ve decided to get married. Needless to say, we are both very excited.

You flinched a bit when you read that last bit, didn’t you? It’s normal. When we hear stories like that, our immediate reaction is “that’s crazy.” But you weren’t on my date with me. We’re in love . . . I swear.

The fact is, we instinctively know that the strong bond of human trust cannot be formed after one date or even after one week. In contrast, if I told you I’ve been dating the same woman for seven years and we’re not married yet, you might think, “What’s wrong then?”

The strong positive feeling we may have after a great first date, or even a great job interview is not love or trust. It’s a predominantly dopamine-fueled feeling telling us that we think we’ve found what we’re looking for. Because it feels good, we can sometimes mislabel it as something more stable than it is, even if both parties feel it. This helps us explain how that love-at-first-date may crumble soon after. It also helps us understand why someone we loved in an interview, a few months into the job, doesn’t turn out to be a good fit for the organization. It’s because we didn’t actually spend enough time to get to know if we can, indeed, rely on the person. Jumping straight in, even if it “feels right,” is nothing short of gambling. It may work out, but the odds are against you. It is just as bad if we stay too long without ever feeling like we belong. If we’ve been at a job for seven years and still don’t feel it. . . well . . . maybe it’s time to move on.

Our internal systems are trying to help us navigate the social world so that we can find people who may be more willing to give of themselves to help us and be a part of our Circle of Safety. It takes time to get to know someone and build the trust required to sustain a relationship, personal or professional.

Our world is one of impatience. A world of instant gratification. A world ruled by dopamine. Google can give us the answer we want now. We can buy online and get what we want now. We can send and receive information instantaneously. We don’t have to wait a week to see our favorite show, we can watch it now. We have gotten used to getting what we want when we want it. This is all fine

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